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December 22, 2018

Letter to Lamar Alexander

by Ballard Quass

written upon the acquittal of Donald Trump

US Capitol building renamed Christian Science Hall

I find it horrifying that we have a president who can get away with treason, selling us out to the Soviets and openly calling for dirt on his opponents. Maybe the country NEEDS to be ripped apart if half of it believes that we should live in a dictatorship under an insane and evil demagogue, who has never met a dictator that he didn't like. If that's true, then I want to live in the other half of the country, that still believes in democratic institutions.

How dare America carry on its wretched Drug War, imprisoning an election-swaying million minorities a year for mere possession of substances that are our right under NATURAL LAW -- and yet the president gets to COMMIT CRIMES BRAZENLY ON NATIONAL TELEVISION CALLING FOR SOVIET AND UKRAINE INVESTIGATION OF HIS RIVALS?????

The Justice Department has lost all credibility and now can only do its job by brute force.

For shame!

What are Republicans going to do when this new IMPERIAL PRESIDENCY is occupied by a DEMOCRAT?

Editor's note, November 16, 2021: While Brian calms down a skosh, let me apologize on his behalf for the fact that this rant of his (as justified as it may be) has nothing whatsoever to do with Lamar Alexander, who it will be remembered was the Secretary of Education under one of the Drug Warrior Bushes. I think there's been some mix-up here, perhaps due to the overwriting of a file or two.

Brian: Thanks, Editor. My bad. There has indeed been some mix-up.

Editor: So what was the deal about Lamar Alexander?

Brian: Well, about a year ago, this Lamar chap started beefing about the fact that states were changing drug law policy when he thought it should be decided by the national government in conjunction with scientists. Am I like, "Lamar, baby, you had no right to outlaw plant medicine in the first place, homie! Second, you know as well as I do that plant medicine is only criminal these days because of the interests of racists, Big Pharma, intolerant Christians, and the Corrections industry -- whose interests are all championed by the wealthiest 3% who control the Senate via bribery (see "Billionaire Democracy" by George R. Tyler). Under such a corrupt system, it makes perfect sense for Americans to change the system from the ground up when it comes to so-called drug policy, especially since you politicians feel the need to bow and scrape before the evil DEA, which has knowingly lied for half a decade now about godsend plant medicine -- and which poisoned American pot smokers with paraquat in the 1980s, a weed killer that causes Parkinson's disease.

There you go, Ed, baby. That paragraph contains both the warp and weft of the factual yarn that I'm spinning -- the original of which, as you rightly suppose, was probably overwritten due to some boneheaded error on the part of some lowly clerk or other, who shall be sacked quite momently, I assure you, with malice-a-freakin' forethought, even. (I'll be like: YOU are zee veekest link!) No, seriously, Eddy: How do you like that Lamar person? Typical politician -- wants to tell me what plant medicine I can use. He's the kind of politician who would have been cheering the DEA on as they stormed onto the once-"hallowed" ground of Monticello in 1987 and confiscated Thomas Jefferson's poppy plants -- a coup against the whole concept of natural law upon which this nation was built.

Editor: Thanks, Brian, that was a delightful one and a half paragraphs. It did my heart good just to read them!

Brian: Aw, shucks!

Editor: Plus, it doesn't hurt that you're right as rain.

Brian: I think somebody should force Lamar to undergo a drug test -- 'cause I'm sure he's "used" alcohol in the last month or two. God help me, if we find so much as a trace of liquor in his blood, we're going to confiscate his house and remove him from the workforce! There's a Drug War for you, Lamar: one that isn't targeted against minorities either!

Editor: Okay, Brian, easy, boy! Easy!

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Are you wondering why I stopped you? Well, aside from the fact that you're Black, of course. No, seriously, seriously! (Sorry, my mom always said I should have been a comedian.) I stopped you to give you a warning. No, not about your dodgy right headlight (tho' you really should get that fixed). I wanted to warn you that this website is all about criticizing the willful ignorance of society when it comes to so-called "drugs." It is not -- I repeat NOT -- about encouraging either "drug use" or the LACK of "drug use." Ya feel me? It's about encouraging EDUCATION about substances rather than DRUG WARRIOR DEMONIZATION of substances.


So if you're contemplating using anything from table salt to heroin, you've come to the wrong site. The author is neither a doctor nor a pharmacologist. This is a philosophical website, not a practical website. You dig me? You need to study up on any and all substances using reliable sources: don't get your medical opinions about specific substances from a philosophy website like this one, for Peter's almighty sake! Ya feel me? Is the copper right or is the copper right?

Now, be on your way -- unless, of course, you're Black, in which case, get out of the car this instant and put your hands on the top of my vehicle! Move! Move! Move! Papa's gonna rough you up a bit. (Tee-hee.)

Just kidding. I really should have been a stand-up comedian, you know.

And get that right headlight looked at, ya numbskull!


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