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Urine Testers Needed

must be willing and able to ignore the US Constitution

by Brian Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher

January 8, 2020



A big player in the drug-testing business is looking for new urine testers. Must be willing and able to ruin the lives of Americans who attempt to profit therapeutically from Mother Nature's plants. Will check employee urine for every natural substance known to man -- except for the two most dangerous substances, of course, namely alcohol and tobacco. (Nor will the successful candidate be checking for addictive antidepressants 1, in keeping with the social status quo of ignoring THAT epidemic entirely. Hey, Americans can only handle so much truth at one time, you see.) Must, however, be willing and able to punish Christian Science heretics with expulsion from the U.S. job market based on no probable cause whatsoever, let alone proof that would hold up in court.

Support America's Drug War sharia: start checking urine today! Ruin the lives of those bastards who insist on accessing the therapeutic bounty that grows at their very feet!

Want to show your patriotism? Join the Great Piss Off, coming in July 4, 2020, when all right-thinking Americans will simultaneously piss into a special government-provided test tube at exactly 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, which they will then send off to a special DEA laboratory in Washington DC, as a clear sign to our Drug Czars that they have obediently scorned the therapeutic benefits of Mother Nature. To receive complete details, along with your own custom-marked test tube, call today: 1-800-PISS-OFF. That's 1-800-PISS-OFF.

Show America that you have nothing to hide -- piss off for America this July!

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Meanwhile remember: Just say no to increased cognitive abilities! Tell Mother Nature, "Thanks, but no thanks, for the ontologically revealing plants. I'd just as soon see reality through the same dull grey fog as per usual, if it's all the same to you. No need for plant-supplied psychological insights here. I knows what I knows, and that's good enough for me!

Expanded consciousness? My parents and grandparents were as dumb as a post and they got by just fine with good old-fashioned sobriety -- albeit with a generous pull on the old Jack Daniels bottle when the going got tough, about every 24 hour or so. Besides, ain't it just witches and savages what use plants and fung-i for psychological purposes? Seems absurd to go that route after my conquistador forebears spent all that time wiping out whole cultures merely because they used the stuff."

Or an indignant apostrophe to that effect. Just be sure to let Mother Nature have it! Uggh!

Does drug testing 2 piss you off? Well, now you can help put OTHER people out of work. {^Become a urine tester and help kick nature lovers out of the job market by flagging urine that might contain any of Mother Nature's godsend medicines. Do you want to live in a world where everyone can freely improve their minds with the help of nature's bounty? Of course not. What fun would that be? So apply today and help us double down on America's most righteous and holy Drug War!}{


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Notes for essay entitled Urine Testers Needed: must be willing and able to ignore the US Constitution:

1: Antidepressants and the War on Drugs DWP (up)
2: Drug Testing and the Christian Science Inquisition DWP (up)




read more essays here





Ten Tweets

against the hateful war on US




The DEA has done everything it can to keep Americans clueless about opium and poppies. The agency is a disgrace to a country that claims to value knowledge and freedom of information.

"The depression lifted from my mind like the sun coming out of the clouds." -- Arthur Crowley after using cocaine

After a long life, I have come to the conclusion that when all the establishment is united, it is always wrong. (Harold MacMillan)

The FDA is not qualified to tell us whether holistic medicines work. They hold such drugs to materialist standards and that's pharmacological colonialism.

"Those gentlemen who adopt the anti-opium doctrine... are only comparable to the monomaniac, who, sane upon every subject but one, is thoroughly daft upon that." --William Brereton

It's already risky to engage in free and honest speech about drugs online: Colorado politicians tried to make it absolutely illegal in February 2024. The DRUG WAR IS ALL ABOUT DESTROYING DEMOCRACY THRU IGNORANT AND INTOLERANT FEARMONGERING.

What attracts me about "drug dealers" is that they are NOT interested in prying into my private life. What a relief! With psychiatry, you are probed for pathological behavior on every office visit. You are a child. To the "drug dealer," I am an adult at least.

Some outlawed drugs grow new neurons in the brain. To refuse to use them makes us complicit in the dementia of our loved ones!

All drugs have positive uses. It's absurd to prohibit them because one demographic might misuse them.

Drug War censorship is supported by our "science" magazines, which pretend that outlawed drugs do not exist, and so write what amount to lies about the supposed intransigence of things like depression and anxiety.


Click here to see All Tweets against the hateful War on Us






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Unless otherwise indicated, no AI is used in the creation of site content. These essays represent the original ideas of their author and not the ideas that the author SHOULD have based on an algorithmic parsing of existing data. For more on this subject, consider the AI-related viewpoints to which the author subscribes as delineated in the New York Times opinion piece entitled "What 370,000 College Essays Tell Us About A.I.’s Effects on Creativity" by Rebecca Winthrop of the Brookings Institution.

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