must be willing and able to ignore the US Constitution
by Brian Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher
January 8, 2020
A big player in the drug-testing business is looking for new urine testers. Must be willing and able to ruin the lives of Americans who attempt to profit therapeutically from Mother Nature's plants. Will check employee urine for every natural substance known to man -- except for the two most dangerous substances, of course, namely alcohol and tobacco. (Nor will the successful candidate be checking for addictive antidepressants 1, in keeping with the social status quo of ignoring THAT epidemic entirely. Hey, Americans can only handle so much truth at one time, you see.) Must, however, be willing and able to punish Christian Science heretics with expulsion from the U.S. job market based on no probable cause whatsoever, let alone proof that would hold up in court.
Support America's Drug War sharia: start checking urine today! Ruin the lives of those bastards who insist on accessing the therapeutic bounty that grows at their very feet!
Want to show your patriotism? Join the Great Piss Off, coming in July 4, 2020, when all right-thinking Americans will simultaneously piss into a special government-provided test tube at exactly 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, which they will then send off to a special DEA laboratory in Washington DC, as a clear sign to our Drug Czars that they have obediently scorned the therapeutic benefits of Mother Nature. To receive complete details, along with your own custom-marked test tube, call today: 1-800-PISS-OFF. That's 1-800-PISS-OFF.
Show America that you have nothing to hide -- piss off for America this July!
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Meanwhile remember: Just say no to increased cognitive abilities! Tell Mother Nature, "Thanks, but no thanks, for the ontologically revealing plants. I'd just as soon see reality through the same dull grey fog as per usual, if it's all the same to you. No need for plant-supplied psychological insights here. I knows what I knows, and that's good enough for me!
Expanded consciousness? My parents and grandparents were as dumb as a post and they got by just fine with good old-fashioned sobriety -- albeit with a generous pull on the old Jack Daniels bottle when the going got tough, about every 24 hour or so. Besides, ain't it just witches and savages what use plants and fung-i for psychological purposes? Seems absurd to go that route after my conquistador forebears spent all that time wiping out whole cultures merely because they used the stuff."
Or an indignant apostrophe to that effect. Just be sure to let Mother Nature have it! Uggh!
Does drug testing 2 piss you off? Well, now you can help put OTHER people out of work. {^Become a urine tester and help kick nature lovers out of the job market by flagging urine that might contain any of Mother Nature's godsend medicines. Do you want to live in a world where everyone can freely improve their minds with the help of nature's bounty? Of course not. What fun would that be? So apply today and help us double down on America's most righteous and holy Drug War!}{
Someday those books about weird state laws will be full of factoids like: "In Alabama, you could be jailed for 20 years for conspiring to eat a mushroom."
We've got to take the fight TO the drug warriors by starting to hold them legally responsible for having spread "Big Lies" about "drugs." Anyone involved in producing the "brain frying" PSA of the 1980s should be put on trial for willfully spreading a toxic lie.
Two of the biggest promoters of the psychedelic renaissance shuffle their feet when you ask them about substance prohibition. Michael Pollan and Rick Strassman just don't get it: prohibition kills.
It wasn't until western prudery and racism came along that we started to judge people by the substances that they chose to ingest, rather than by their actual behavior in the world.
Pundits tell us that there are medical reasons not to "snort" cocaine. So what? There are medical reasons not to drive a car: you may have an accident. The question is: does cocaine use or car driving make sense in a given case! Details matter!
First we outlaw all drugs that could help; then we complain that some people have 'TREATMENT-RESISTANT DEPRESSION'. What? No. What they really "have" is an inability to thrive because of our idiotic drug laws.
What I want to know is, who sold Christopher Reeves that horse that he fell off of? Who was peddling that junk?!
There would be almost no relapses for those trying to get off drugs if all drugs were legal. Then we could use a vast variety of drugs to get us through those few hours of late-night angst that are the bane of the recidivist.
Drug prohibition is a crime against humanity. It is the outlawing of our right to take care of our own health.
Americans heap hypocritical praise on Walt Whitman. What they don't realize is that many of us could be "Walt Whitman for a Day" with the wise use of psychoactive drugs. To the properly predisposed, morphine gives a DEEP appreciation of Mother Nature.
Unless otherwise indicated, no AI is used in the creation of site content. These essays represent the original ideas of their author and not the ideas that the author SHOULD have based on an algorithmic parsing of existing data. For more on this subject, consider the AI-related viewpoints to which the author subscribes as delineated in the New York Times opinion piece entitled "What 370,000 College Essays Tell Us About A.I.’s Effects on Creativity" by Rebecca Winthrop of the Brookings Institution.
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