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Urine Testers Needed

must be willing and able to ignore the US Constitution

by Brian Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher

January 8, 2020



A big player in the drug-testing business is looking for new urine testers. Must be willing and able to ruin the lives of Americans who attempt to profit therapeutically from Mother Nature's plants. Will check employee urine for every natural substance known to man -- except for the two most dangerous substances, of course, namely alcohol and tobacco. (Nor will the successful candidate be checking for addictive antidepressants 1, in keeping with the social status quo of ignoring THAT epidemic entirely. Hey, Americans can only handle so much truth at one time, you see.) Must, however, be willing and able to punish Christian Science heretics with expulsion from the U.S. job market based on no probable cause whatsoever, let alone proof that would hold up in court.

Support America's Drug War sharia: start checking urine today! Ruin the lives of those bastards who insist on accessing the therapeutic bounty that grows at their very feet!

Want to show your patriotism? Join the Great Piss Off, coming in July 4, 2020, when all right-thinking Americans will simultaneously piss into a special government-provided test tube at exactly 12 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, which they will then send off to a special DEA laboratory in Washington DC, as a clear sign to our Drug Czars that they have obediently scorned the therapeutic benefits of Mother Nature. To receive complete details, along with your own custom-marked test tube, call today: 1-800-PISS-OFF. That's 1-800-PISS-OFF.

Show America that you have nothing to hide -- piss off for America this July!

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Meanwhile remember: Just say no to increased cognitive abilities! Tell Mother Nature, "Thanks, but no thanks, for the ontologically revealing plants. I'd just as soon see reality through the same dull grey fog as per usual, if it's all the same to you. No need for plant-supplied psychological insights here. I knows what I knows, and that's good enough for me!

Expanded consciousness? My parents and grandparents were as dumb as a post and they got by just fine with good old-fashioned sobriety -- albeit with a generous pull on the old Jack Daniels bottle when the going got tough, about every 24 hour or so. Besides, ain't it just witches and savages what use plants and fung-i for psychological purposes? Seems absurd to go that route after my conquistador forebears spent all that time wiping out whole cultures merely because they used the stuff."

Or an indignant apostrophe to that effect. Just be sure to let Mother Nature have it! Uggh!

Does drug testing 2 piss you off? Well, now you can help put OTHER people out of work. {^Become a urine tester and help kick nature lovers out of the job market by flagging urine that might contain any of Mother Nature's godsend medicines. Do you want to live in a world where everyone can freely improve their minds with the help of nature's bounty? Of course not. What fun would that be? So apply today and help us double down on America's most righteous and holy Drug War!}{


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Notes for essay entitled Urine Testers Needed: must be willing and able to ignore the US Constitution:

1: Antidepressants and the War on Drugs DWP (up)
2: Drug Testing and the Christian Science Inquisition DWP (up)




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Ten Tweets

against the hateful war on US




The UN of today is in an odd position regarding drugs: they want to praise indigenous societies while yet outlawing the drugs that helped create them.

Today's Washington Post reports that "opioid pills shipped" DROPPED 45% between 2011 and 2019..... while fatal overdoses ROSE TO RECORD LEVELS! Prohibition is PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE.

Wanna show drug warriors the error of their ways? Legalize all less dangerous drugs than alcohol and then deny work to those who test positive for liquor and confiscate their property if beer cans are found on-site.

Opium could be a godsend for talk therapy. It can help the user step outside themselves and view their problems from novel viewpoints.

Many psychedelic fans are still drug warriors at heart. They just think that a nice big exception should be carved out for the drugs that they're suddenly finding useful.

Just saw a People's magazine article with the headline: "JUSTICE FOR MATTHEW PERRY." If there was true justice, their editorial staff would be in jail for promoting user ignorance and a contaminated drug supply. It's the prohibition, stupid!!!

The front page of every mycology club page should feature a protest of drug laws that make the study of mycology illegal in the case of certain shrooms. But no one protests. Their silence makes them drug war collaborators because it serves to normalize prohibition.

Who would have thought back in 1776 that Americans would eventually have to petition their government for the right to even possess a damn mushroom. The Drug War has destroyed America.

When we place the FDA in charge of deciding whether a psychoactive drug should be re-legalized or not, we are asking them to decide on things like the relative importance of appreciating a sunset, a task for which the FDA has no expertise whatsoever.

How else will they scare us enough to convince us to give up all our freedoms for the purpose of fighting horrible awful evil DRUGS? DRUGS is the sledgehammer with which they are destroying American democracy.


Click here to see All Tweets against the hateful War on Us






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Unless otherwise indicated, no AI is used in the creation of site content. These essays represent the original ideas of their author and not the ideas that the author SHOULD have based on an algorithmic parsing of existing data. For more on this subject, consider the AI-related viewpoints to which the author subscribes as delineated in the New York Times opinion piece entitled "What 370,000 College Essays Tell Us About A.I.’s Effects on Creativity" by Rebecca Winthrop of the Brookings Institution.

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