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Drug War Copaganda

How cop shows reinforce drug warrior lies about Mother Nature's plants

by Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher




May 31, 2020

MCEE: Live from the DEA Lounge, let's give it up for comedian Johnny O'Clonnapan, brought to you tonight by Paraquat, the only weed killer recommended by America's DEA.

[applause]

JOHNNY: Before I start to be funny, my lawyer has asked me to read the following FDA warning. Ahem. And I quote.

"The FDA played a randomly chosen comedy routine of mine to 2,000 lab rats and discovered that every 92nd one of them blew a gasket during the funniest parts of my material."

Personally, I think that study was flawed. First of all, how do we know for sure that my audience has the same comedic predilections as the species Rattus rattus? Be that as it may, we have replacement gaskets available at the bar tonight, just in case, for just $2 apiece, with any qualified purchase of a house cocktail worth $9 or more.

So, gaskets in the full upright position, folks. I'm about to unload.

[gasp]

With my humor that is.

[laughter]

FUNNYSHORTS

You ever stop to wonder what television would have been like over the last 50 years if America hadn't gotten the harebrained idea of criminalizing plants? Cop shows would not exist. I kid you not. All the violence that fuels the cop show plots would be gone. What a bummer for the police. Then they could only arrest people for actual bad behavior instead of for the pre-crime of possessing plants that had been demonized by politicians.

Cops would be like: "Damn, we've just got to sit on the sidelines now and let people go about their lives as they see fit. This is no fun."

^{How many Drug Warriors do we have in the house? Let me see a show of dunce caps.}{

[drum]

[laughter]

I mean hands. Let me see a show of hands.

You Drug Warriors are lucky. You've got so much working for you, propaganda-wise. Seriously. Almost every single cop show is free Drug War propaganda.

SAY THAT AGAIN!

Almost every single cop show is free Drug War propaganda.

Think about it.

Have you finished thinking? Oh, I'm sorry.

There are several Drug Warriors in the back there who still haven't quite wrapped their brains around it. That's okay. No hurry. Keep thinking about it, guys.

[laughter]

Be nice, folks. I'm sure the Drug Warriors are doing their best.

When have you ever seen a debonair genius like Sigmund Freud, casually employing coke on a cop show to render themselves prolific, and thus achieve self-fulfillment in life?

Never. That's when.

[applause]

That would violate Drug War superstition, which says that criminalized plants can cause nothing but evil.

You only ever see coke used by greedy Wall Street prodigies and morally rudderless young people, at stag parties and the like. As for the coke itself, it generally appears in a small white mountain on a card table in a dimly lit room, alongside a pile of bloodstained money, a razor blade, and a recently fired handgun.

And the dimwit viewers are all like:

"Oh, isn't cocaine just terrible? Honestly. The bullets, the blood and the razor blades! Oh my!"

And I'm like: Hello, folks. The bullets, the blood and the razor blades (Oh my!) didn't arrive on the scene until we criminalized cocaine and thereby placed its distribution in the hands of the underworld.

Boy, I'm glad I'm not a mean person, or else I would be seriously tempted to refer to Drug Warriors as idiots, I mean just utter morons who have about as much philosophy in their brain pans as I have in my little toe... let's say the one on my left foot for the sake of argument.

But I'm better than that, folks. There's nothing to be gained by trashing Drug Warriors personally, no matter how stupid their arguments might be in favor of criminalizing God-given plants - plants which God himself said were "good," in the Book of Genesis no less.

[applause]

Yes, there's no point in calling such people morons, that's for sure. Is it tempting to do so? Yes, of course it is.

But I wasn't raised that way, folks. I just wasn't raised that way.

[applause]

Speaking of TV cop shows, how many fans do we have of "The Republic of Doyle" here tonight? You know, that show about the family of Irish private detectives up there in Newfoundland of all places.

I just watched an episode in which Jake was getting all self-righteous about his niece Tinny's involvement in selling some marijuana plants. Jake was like,

"I expected more from you Tinny. Tsk tsk tsk."

And of course Tinny bows her head, knowing that she has committed heresy against the Great Western religion of Christian Science when it comes to mood disorders.

[Tinny sobbing]

Of course, in the next scene, Jake is in a bar, hypocritically throwing back a brewski, with which he has no moral problems whatsoever.

[burps] "Jake, please!"

[laughter]

Then there's another episode where Jake self-righteously tells a drug researcher that he (Jake) is not "into" drugs.

Would somebody please tell Jake that the word "drugs" is just a code word for "mother nature's plant medicines," and he should therefore stop preening his feathers, insisting that he wants nothing to do with them. That's just plain stupid: God gives us this wonderful pharmacopoeia that's full of psychoactive plants that can help us screw our heads on straight, and the ungrateful Jake says he wants nothing to do with them.

I sincerely hope that 50 years from now, when Jake is in an old people's home and feeling blue, that his Canadian caregivers will be allowed to provide him with psychedelic plants that will help him make his peace with death and rejoice once again in the wonder and the mystery of existence.

[applause]

Hopefully by that time, Jake will no longer be talking about: "I'm not into drugs."

I tell you, if I were God and I heard that, I would take it personally. I can hear God right now.

[gong sounds]

"Here I make all these wonderful medications for you that, when used wisely, can be godsends, and you tell me that you're not 'into' them? I mean, Earth to Jake: that's what some of us would call base ingratitude on your part."

How about that? God has a British accent. Who knew?

[laughter]

Before I go, I'd like to remind you all to pick up a bottle of Paraquat Weed Killer, located in the poison aisle of your local lawn and garden center. It's the only weed killer recommended by America's Drug Enforcement Agency. This is the exact same formula that the DEA used in the 1980s to poison pot users in the United States.


[boo]


And talk about long-lasting, it's still working to this very day, causing Parkinson's Disease in the scofflaw Americans who unwittingly inhaled it four decades ago, courtesy of DEA Chief and Master Poisoner John C. Lawn.

[boo]

Is John C. Lawn in the house? Why doesn't he stand up and take a bow? I'm sure that those pot users forgave him years ago for screwing up their lungs.

[dog snarls]

[gasp]

Although it would appear that the seeing-eye dog at table 5 still remembers the outrage like it was yesterday. I guess the details got passed down to him by some kind of oral tradition peculiar to the canine tribe.

[dog barks]

Besides, let's face it, the ones who survived are too disabled by Parkinson's Disease to think about vengeance.

[boo]

What? They told me to plug Paraquat, and I plugged Paraquat.

[drum]

[applause]

Keep me in your prayers, folks. I'm going to get a proper tongue lashing from my agent the second that I get off this stage.

Oh, no, here she comes now!

[hysterical agent babbling]

I know, I know. Well, you're the one who told me to plug Paraquat.

[laughter]

EMCEE: You've been listening to Johnny O'Clonapan, live from the D E A Lounge.

Brought to you tonight by Paraquat, the only weed killer recommended by America's DEA, who reminds you to turn in your loved ones today if you discover them using any plants of which politicians disapprove. Together, we can all just say no to each and every one of Mother Nature's godsend mood medicines.

NARRATOR: For more information about America's bogus Drug War, which is a violation of natural law and responsible for thousands of unnecessary deaths around the globe every year, visit AbolishTheDEA.com.

Author's Follow-up: February 3, 2023


The Clinton Administration broke the law in the late 1990s by colluding with the media to fashion TV show narratives to place "drug use" in a bad light.1



Notes:

1 Griffiths, William, Psilocybin: A Trip into the World of Magic Mushrooms, William Griffiths, Annapolis, 2021 (up)



Next essay: The Racist Drug War killed George Floyd
Previous essay: So, Your Faith Votes?

More Essays Here


COPS AND THE DRUG WAR

Alcohol is a drug in liquid form. If drug warriors want to punish people who use drugs, they should start punishing themselves.
LA Police Chief Daryl Gates said drug users should be summarily executed. William Bennett said drug dealers should be beheaded. These are the attitudes that the drug war inculcates. This racist and brutal ideology must be wiped out.
What are drug dealers doing, after all? Only selling substances that people want and have always had a right to, until racist politicians came along and decided government had the right to ration out pain relief and mystical experience.
And these are the people that Trump has promised to execute if he is elected.
It's interesting that Jamaicans call the police 'Babylon,' given that Babylon denotes a society seeking materialist pleasures. Drug use is about transcending the material world and seeking spiritual states: states that the materialist derides as meaningless.
MINORITIES AND DRUGS

The Drug War is one big entrapment scheme for poor minorities. Prohibition creates an economy that hugely incentivizes drug dealing, and when the poor fall for the bait, the prohibitionists rush in to arrest them and remove them from the voting rolls.
Drugs like opium and psychedelics should come with the following warning: "Outlawing of this product may result in inner-city gunfire, civil wars overseas, and rigged elections in which drug warriors win office by throwing minorities in jail."
THE MEDIA AND THE DRUG WAR

Over 45% of traumatic brain injuries are caused by horseback riding (ABC News). Tell your representatives to outlaw horseback riding and make it a federal offence to teach a child how to ride! Brought to you by the Partnership for a Death Free America.
Breaking news : "McDonald's will stay open after petition gathered enough signatures!" If only WTOP would give such front-page coverage to petitions to end the drug war.
I guess the motto for their owner, Hubbard Broadcasting, is PANEM ET CIRCENSES, i.e., bread and circuses.
Cop and detective shows are loaded with subtle drug war propaganda, including lines like, "She had a history of drug use, so..." The implication being that anyone who uses substances that politicians hate cannot be trusted.

essays about
COMEDY AND THE DRUG WAR

Dragnet meets the Drug War
The Joy of Drug Testing
One of these things is not like the other
Comedian Adderall Zoloft Riffs on the Drug War
Plants Divine, All Plants Excelling
Testing Employee Urine for Fun and Profit
Rat Out Your Neighbors
The Church of the Most Holy and Righteous Drug War
A Drug Warrior in our Midst
Public Service Announcements for the Post-Drug War Era
Se Llama Mushrooms
American City Homicide Awards 2021
Hey, You, Get Off Of My Creed!
Drug Warriors Anonymous
Partnership for a Death Free America
A Misguided Tour of Monticello
Drug War Jeopardy!
Calling Doctor Scumbag
COPS PRESENTS the top 10 traffic stops of 2023
A Dope Comedy Routine About Drugs

essays about
COPS AND THE DRUG WAR

Cop shows as drug war propaganda
COPS: TV Show for Racist Drug Warriors
Calling Doctor Scumbag
The American Gestapo
Vancouver Police Seek to Eradicate Safe Use
COPS PRESENTS the top 10 traffic stops of 2023
A Dope Comedy Routine About Drugs
Prohibitionists Never Learn
Thought Crimes Blotter

essays about
MINORITIES AND DRUGS

Prohibitionists Never Learn
COPS PRESENTS the top 10 traffic stops of 2023
Drug Warriors and their Prey
Whiteout
How to end the war in Mexico, stop inner-city killings and cure depression in one easy step
American City Homicide Awards 2021
The Unpeople of Southeast Washington, D.C.
Spike Lee is Bamboozled by the Drug War
Time to ACT UP about the racist drug war
Open Letter to Lisa Ling
Black Lives Don't Matter
Predictive Policing in the Age of the Drug War
Grandmaster Flash: Drug War Collaborator
The Racist Drug War killed George Floyd
President Calls for Executing Drug Dealers
The Racist Mindset of Substance Prohibition

essays about
THE MEDIA AND THE DRUG WAR

How Logic-Challenged Journalists Support the Drug War
Attention American Screenwriters: please stop spreading Drug War propaganda
Why Hollywood Owes Richard Nixon an Oscar
Why CBS 19 should stop supporting the Drug War
Open Letter to Lisa Ling
Cop shows as drug war propaganda
COPS: TV Show for Racist Drug Warriors
Common Nonsense from Common Sense Media
America's Obsession with Fascist Drug War Movies
Glenn Close but no cigar
How the Atlantic Supports the Drug War
How Variety and its film critics support drug war fascism
Karolina Zieba just doesn't get it
All these Sons
Colorado plane crash caused by milk!
Drug War Quotes in TV and Movies
Forbes Magazine's Laughable Article about Nitrous Oxide
10 Idiots who helped spread drug war propaganda on Listverse
The Runner: Racist Drug War Agitprop
Moonfall
Enough Drug War Propaganda Movies Already
Movie Warnings from Uncommon Sense
COPS PRESENTS the top 10 traffic stops of 2023
Weed Bashing at WTOP.COM
Time for News Outlets to stop promoting drug war lies
The media, not the FDA, approves drugs in America
Drug War Agitprop



front cover of Drug War Comic Book

Buy the Drug War Comic Book by the Drug War Philosopher Brian Quass, featuring 150 hilarious op-ed pics about America's disgraceful war on Americans



You have been reading an article entitled, Drug War Copaganda: How cop shows reinforce drug warrior lies about Mother Nature's plants, published on May 31, 2020 on AbolishTheDEA.com. For more information about America's disgraceful drug war, which is anti-patient, anti-minority, anti-scientific, anti-mother nature, imperialistic, the establishment of the Christian Science religion, a violation of the natural law upon which America was founded, and a childish and counterproductive way of looking at the world, one which causes all of the problems that it purports to solve, and then some, visit the drug war philosopher, at abolishTheDEA.com. (philosopher's bio; go to top of this page)