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The DEA: Poisoning Americans since 1973

by Brian Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher

April 16, 2020



EMCEE: Live from the DEA Lounge, it's the man who put the "psycho" in "psychoactive."

[laughter]

Mr. Johnny O'Clonopan.

That's my name, use it only as directed.

[laughter]
[applause]





Thank you. Oh, you're too kind.

I will never understand how I got this gig at the DEA Lounge here in downtown Washington, D.C.

[laughter]

Apparently, the Human Relations staff failed to check my politics before signing me up.

The truth be told, I believe that the Drug War is...

1) Anti-patient.

[gasp]

2) Anti-scientific.

[gasp]

3) Anti-minority.

[gasp]

4) A violation of the natural law upon which this country was founded.

[gasp]

5) A way for conservatives to steal elections by locking up thousands of their political opponents.

[gasp]

6) A make-work program for law enforcement that is their golden goose thanks to the highly lucrative forfeiture of so-called drug property.

[gasp]

7) A protection racket designed to shield Big Pharma and Big Liquor from competition.

[gasp]

And an excuse to invade other countries, often with the goal of burning plants that have been used responsibly for millennia by the locals but which now pose an unacceptable competition to the American liquor industry.

Well, aren't you guys going to gasp?

[gasp]

That's more like it.

[drum]

[laughter]

No, seriously. How many of you saw Leslie Bibb, Nicolas Cage, and Laurence Fishburne in "Running with the Devil"?

[applause]

Well, that's depressing. I didn't realize it was that popular.

WOMAN: Oh, yes.

So, let me get this straight: Leslie Bibb is the DEA Chief and she gets to torture and murder mere suspects because they were dealing in....

[drum]

...oh, how horrible...

PLANTS???

[laughter]

Thomas Jefferson is not simply rolling in his grave, he is doing handsprings and cartwheels.

[laughter]

I mean, did somebody say "Whirling Dervish"?

CROWD: Whirling Dervish!

I thought so. But then the DEA never cared much for Thomas Jefferson anyway. Thirty-five years ago, they stomped onto Monticello 1 in their jackboots and stole the man's poppy plants.

[boo]

I know, right? Let me tell you something, folks. U.S. elections aren't being swayed by the Russians, they're being stolen by American movie producers, like the ones responsible for this little 90-minute bit of Drug War propaganda.

MAN: That's right.

[applause]

I'd better get out of here. I hear they're having a celebration for former DEA head John C. Lawn. You remember Mr Lawn. He was the guy who tried to poison American pot smokers back in the 1970s by lacing marijuana plants with paraquat, a weed killer that has subsequently been shown to cause Parkinson's Disease.

[boo]

What can I say? Your tax dollars at work during America's Drug War.

WOMAN: Disgusting

You took the hash right out of my bong, lady.

[drum]

[laughter]

Here's an idea. Since he likes that stuff so much, why don't we all chip in together and get him a birthday cake laced with the weed killer of his choice?

[siren wails]

Hey, I was just kidding. I would never try to poison someone with paraquat, unlike certain former DEA chiefs that I know.

[drum]

[laughter]

MAN: For sheezy my neezy.

It's scary, though, because 35 years later, Master Poisoner John C. Lawn remains a hero in the eyes of the DEA, and if that doesn't tell you how corrupt this agency is, then nothing will.

WOMAN: Word.

[applause]

My name is Johnny O'Clonopan, and my comedy is every bit as addictive as my Big Pharma 2 3 namesake, baby. I'll be here until Friday, or until the DEA finally figures out that I hate their friggin' guts.

[applause]

[laughter]

EMCEE: Let's put some hands together, please, gang, for Johnny O'Clonopan.











Notes for essay entitled The DEA: Poisoning Americans since 1973:

1: The Dark Side of the Monticello Foundation DWP (up)
2: Seife, Charles. 2012. “Is Drug Research Trustworthy?” Scientific American 307 (6): 56–63. https://doi.org/10.1038/scientificamerican1212-56. (up)
3: LaMattina, John. n.d. “Why Is Biopharma Paying 75% of the FDA’s Drug Division Budget?” Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnlamattina/2022/09/22/why-is-biopharma-paying-75-of-the-fdas-drug-division-budget/. (up)




read more essays here





Ten Tweets

against the hateful war on US




It's always wrong to demonize drugs in the abstract. That's anti-scientific. It begs so many questions and leaves suffering pain patients (and others) high and dry. No substance is bad in and of itself.

I've found that almost no one in the medical establishment has a clue about the endless positive uses that there would be for drugs in a world in which we decided to use them as wisely as possible for human benefit.

A company will be put out of business if someone happens to die while using "drugs," even if the drug was not really responsible for the death.

The drug war is a meta-injustice. It does not just limit what you're allowed to think, it limits how and how much you are allowed to think.

The healthcare industry turns all the emotional downsides of drug prohibition into "illnesses."

That's why we damage the brains of the depressed with shock therapy rather than let them use coca or opium. That's why many regions allow folks to kill themselves but not to take drugs that would make them want to live. The Drug War is a perversion of social priorities.

Materialist puritans do not want to create any drug that elates. So they go on a fool's errand to find reductionist cures for "depression itself," as if the vast array of human sadness could (or should) be treated with a one-size-fits-all readjustment of brain chemicals.

The government causes problems for those who are habituated to certain drugs. Then they claim that these problems are symptoms of an illness. Then folks like Gabriel Mate come forth to find the "hidden pain" in "addicts." It's one big morality play created by drug laws.

I don't believe in the materialist paradigm upon which SSRIs were created, according to which humans are interchangeable chemical robots amenable to the same treatment for human sadness. Let me use laughing gas and MDMA and coca and let the materialists use SSRIs.

Question: Why do doctors judge cocaine by its worst possible use? Answer: Follow the money.


Click here to see All Tweets against the hateful War on Us






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