bird icon for twitter bird icon for twitter


A Dope Comedy Routine About Drugs

by Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher

November 5, 2023



Click the audio "play" button above for a short fun comedy routine 1 about lousy evil rotten horrible bad junkified DOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!



MOM: Where are you off to so fast, sweetie?

SON: There's a Dare rally at the Capitol. I'm going down there to just say no to drugs.

MOM: Did you remember to take your meds?

SON: Yes, Mom, I popped the whole batch of them on my way through the kitchen.

MOM: Careful, dear. You're going to spill that Red Bull you're holding.

SON: Ohh, I almost forgot. I was hoping to pick up some Busch Beer for Dad's upcoming party on my way back. Can you spot me a 20?

MOM: Only if you'll pick up a box of Virginia Slims for me.

SON: In that case, you better give me your credit card. I don't think it's safe for me to carry all that money around at night.

MOM: Here you are, you dope.

SON: Dope, dope. I just say no to dope, remember?

MOM: Touché. Oh, and congratulations, Joey.

SON: For what, Mom?

MOM: I heard you passed your urine test to work at the local ABC store.

SON: What can I say? Jesus himself could not have had more impeccable urine than yours truly.

MOM: I'm proud of you, Joey.

SON: Ohh, stop it, Mom!

MOM: Now have a good time at the Dare rally.

SON: I just hope I don't run into Derek.

MOM: Why don't you want to see Derek? I thought he was your best drug-free friend.

SON: He is, but he and I had a falling out about American drug policy.

MOM: Really? What happened?

SON: Well, he agrees with Los Angeles Police Chief Daryl Gates that drug users should be taken out and shot.

MOM: Sounds like a reasonable point of view to me.

SON: Whereas I think William Bennett had the right idea when he said that drug users should be beheaded instead.

MOM: Well, now I think that's a topic upon which reasonable people can disagree.

SON: I'm off.

MOM: Oh, and we're all out of coffee. And Tylenol now that I think of it.

SON: Mom.

MOM: Oh, and if the pharmacy is still open, your sister needs her pills for depression, anxiety and ADHD.

SON: I tell you what, Mom, why don't I just bring back the entire store?

MOM: Don't be such a dope.

SON: Dope, dope?

MOM: I know, I know. You don't do dope.



Notes:

1: COPS PRESENTS the top 10 traffic stops of 2023 (up)


Comedy




The drug war is laughable -- or it would be if the drug warriors hadn't deprived us of laughing gas, the substance that William James himself used to study alternate realities.

  • A Dope Comedy Routine About Drugs
  • A Drug Warrior in our Midst
  • A Misguided Tour of Monticello
  • American City Homicide Awards 2021
  • Blowing Up Arkansas
  • Campfire Stories about America's Drug War
  • Comedian Adderall Zoloft Riffs on the Drug War
  • COPS PRESENTS the top 10 traffic stops of 2023
  • Dragnet meets the Drug War
  • Drug War Comedy Routine
  • Drug War Copaganda
  • Drug War Jeopardy!
  • Drug War: the Musical!
  • Funny Animated Gifs about America's imperialist and racist Drug War
  • One of these things is not like the other
  • Plants Divine, All Plants Excelling
  • Public Service Announcements for the Post-Drug War Era
  • Rat Out Your Neighbors
  • The DEA: Poisoning Americans since 1973
  • The Drug War Board Game
  • The Joy of Drug Testing
  • The Only Good Hippo...
  • Thought Crimes Blotter
  • Torture 101 at DEA University
  • We have nothing to fear but the drug war itself
  • What's My Line?





  • Ten Tweets

    against the hateful war on US




    Being less than a month away from an election that, in my view, could end American democracy, I don't like to credit Musk for much. But I absolutely love it every time he does or says something that pushes back against the drug-war narrative.

    The problem with blaming things on addiction genes is that it whitewashes the role of society and its laws. It's easy to imagine an enlightened country wherein drug availability, education and attitudes make addiction highly unlikely, addiction genes or no addiction genes.

    It's "convenient" for scientists that their "REAL" cures happen to be the ones that racist politicians will allow. Scientists thus normalize prohibition by pretending that outlawed substances have no therapeutic value. It's materialism collaborating with the drug war.

    The drug war is the defeatist doctrine that we will never be able to use psychoactive drugs wisely. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy because the government does everything it can to make drug use dangerous.

    The DEA has done everything it can to keep Americans clueless about opium and poppies. The agency is a disgrace to a country that claims to value knowledge and freedom of information.

    The UN of today is in an odd position regarding drugs: they want to praise indigenous societies while yet outlawing the drugs that helped create them.

    To treat opioid use disorder (which is really prohibition disorder syndrome) we should normalize the peaceable smoking of opium at home as an alternative to drinking alcohol.

    The Drug War is one big entrapment scheme for poor minorities. Prohibition creates an economy that hugely incentivizes drug dealing, and when the poor fall for the bait, the prohibitionists rush in to arrest them and remove them from the voting rolls.

    We know that anticipation and mental focus and relaxation have positive benefits -- but if these traits ae facilitated by "drugs," then we pretend that these same benefits somehow are no longer "real." This is a metaphysical bias, not a logical deduction.

    For those who want to understand what's going on with the drug war from a philosophical point of view, I recommend chapter six of "Eugenics and Other Evils" by GK Chesterton.


    Click here to see All Tweets against the hateful War on Us






    Weed Bashing at WTOP.COM
    The War on Drugs and the Psychiatric Pill Mill


    Copyright 2025 abolishthedea.com, Brian Quass

    (up)