Enjoy this satirical sendup of America's laughable attitude toward drugs. (Click the audio link above!)
MOTHER: Where are you off to so fast, sweetie?
SON: There's a Dare rally at the Capitol. I'm going down there to just say no to drugs.
MOTHER: Did you remember to take your meds?
SON: Yes, Mom. I popped the whole batch of them on my way through the kitchen.
MOTHER: Careful, dear. You're going to spill that Red Bull you're holding.
SON: Oh, I almost forgot. I was hoping to pick up some bush beer for Dad's upcoming party on my way back. Can you spot me a 20?
Americans claim to hate drugs, and yet 1 in 4 American women are dependent on Big Pharma drugs for life, and we consider them to be good patients!
MOTHER: Only if you'll pick up a box of Virginia Slims for me.
SON: In that case, you better give me your credit card. I don't think it's safe for me to carry all that money around at night.
MOTHER: Here you are, you dope.
SON: Dope? Dope? I just say no to dope, remember?
MOTHER: Touché. Oh, and congratulations, Joey.
SON: For what, Mom?
MOTHER: I heard you passed your urine test to work at the local ABC store.
SON: What can I say? Jesus himself could not have had more impeccable urine than yours truly.
MOTHER: I'm proud of you, Joey.
SON: Oh, stop it, Mom.
MOTHER: Now, have a good time at the Dare rally.
SON: I just hope I don't run into Derek.
MOTHER: Why don't you want to see Derek? I thought he was your best drug-free friend.
SON: He is, but...
MOTHER: What?
SON: He and I had a falling out about American drug policy.
MOTHER: Really? What happened?
SON: Well, he agrees with Los Angeles Police Chief Darryl Gates that drug users should be taken out and shot.
MOTHER: Sounds like a reasonable point of view to me.
SON: Whereas I think William Bennett had the right idea when he said that drug users should be beheaded instead.
MOTHER: Well now, I think that's a topic upon which reasonable people can disagree.
SON: I'm off.
MOTHER: Oh, and we're all out of coffee. And Tylenol now that I think of it.
SON: Mom.
MOTHER: Oh, and if the pharmacy is still open, your sister needs her pills for depression, anxiety, and ADHD.
SON: I tell you what, Mom. Why don't I just bring back the entire store?
MOTHER: Don't be such a dope.
SON: Dope? Dope.
MOTHER: I know, I know. You don't do dope.
Ten Tweets
against the hateful war on US
Americans are starting to think that psychedelics may be an exception to the rule that drugs are evil -- but drugs have never been evil. The evil resides in how we think, talk and legislate about drugs.
It's because of such reductive pseudoscience that America will allow us to shock the brains of the depressed but won't allow us to let them use the plant medicines that grow at their feet.
The drug war controls the very way that we are allowed to see the world. The Drug War is thus a meta-injustice, not just a handful of bad legal statutes.
The benefits of outlawed drugs read like the ultimate wish-list for psychiatrists. It's a shame that so many of them are still mounting a rear guard action to defend their psychiatric pill mill -- which demoralizes clients by turning them into lifetime patients.
Assisted suicide cannot be discussed meaningfully without discussing the drug prohibition that renders it necessary in the first place.
Your drug war has caused the disappearance of over 60,000 Mexicans over the last 20 years. It has turned inner cities into shooting galleries. It has turned America into a penal colony. It has destroyed the 4th amendment and put bureaucrats in charge of deciding if our religions are "sincere."
There are neither "drugs" nor "meds" as those terms are used today. All substances have potential good uses and bad uses. The terms as used today carry value judgements, as in meds good, drugs bad.
Drug Prohibition is a crime against humanity. It outlaws our right to take care of our own health.
"Drugs" is imperialist terminology. In the smug self-righteousness of those who use it, I hear Columbus's disdain for the shroom use of the Taino people and the Spanish disdain for the coca use of the Peruvian Indians.
Americans outlaw drugs and then insist that those drugs did not have much to offer in any case. It's like I took away your car and then told you that car ownership was overrated.
(up)