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The DEA: Poisoning Americans since 1973

by Brian Ballard Quass, the Drug War Philosopher

April 16, 2020



EMCEE: Live from the DEA Lounge, it's the man who put the "psycho" in "psychoactive."

[laughter]

Mr. Johnny O'Clonopan.

That's my name, use it only as directed.

[laughter]
[applause]





Thank you. Oh, you're too kind.

I will never understand how I got this gig at the DEA Lounge here in downtown Washington, D.C.

[laughter]

Apparently, the Human Relations staff failed to check my politics before signing me up.

The truth be told, I believe that the Drug War is...

1) Anti-patient.

[gasp]

2) Anti-scientific.

[gasp]

3) Anti-minority.

[gasp]

4) A violation of the natural law upon which this country was founded.

[gasp]

5) A way for conservatives to steal elections by locking up thousands of their political opponents.

[gasp]

6) A make-work program for law enforcement that is their golden goose thanks to the highly lucrative forfeiture of so-called drug property.

[gasp]

7) A protection racket designed to shield Big Pharma and Big Liquor from competition.

[gasp]

And an excuse to invade other countries, often with the goal of burning plants that have been used responsibly for millennia by the locals but which now pose an unacceptable competition to the American liquor industry.

Well, aren't you guys going to gasp?

[gasp]

That's more like it.

[drum]

[laughter]

No, seriously. How many of you saw Leslie Bibb, Nicolas Cage, and Laurence Fishburne in "Running with the Devil"?

[applause]

Well, that's depressing. I didn't realize it was that popular.

WOMAN: Oh, yes.

So, let me get this straight: Leslie Bibb is the DEA Chief and she gets to torture and murder mere suspects because they were dealing in....

[drum]

...oh, how horrible...

PLANTS???

[laughter]

Thomas Jefferson is not simply rolling in his grave, he is doing handsprings and cartwheels.

[laughter]

I mean, did somebody say "Whirling Dervish"?

CROWD: Whirling Dervish!

I thought so. But then the DEA never cared much for Thomas Jefferson anyway. Thirty-five years ago, they stomped onto Monticello 1 in their jackboots and stole the man's poppy plants.

[boo]

I know, right? Let me tell you something, folks. U.S. elections aren't being swayed by the Russians, they're being stolen by American movie producers, like the ones responsible for this little 90-minute bit of Drug War propaganda.

MAN: That's right.

[applause]

I'd better get out of here. I hear they're having a celebration for former DEA head John C. Lawn. You remember Mr Lawn. He was the guy who tried to poison American pot smokers back in the 1970s by lacing marijuana plants with paraquat, a weed killer that has subsequently been shown to cause Parkinson's Disease.

[boo]

What can I say? Your tax dollars at work during America's Drug War.

WOMAN: Disgusting

You took the hash right out of my bong, lady.

[drum]

[laughter]

Here's an idea. Since he likes that stuff so much, why don't we all chip in together and get him a birthday cake laced with the weed killer of his choice?

[siren wails]

Hey, I was just kidding. I would never try to poison someone with paraquat, unlike certain former DEA chiefs that I know.

[drum]

[laughter]

MAN: For sheezy my neezy.

It's scary, though, because 35 years later, Master Poisoner John C. Lawn remains a hero in the eyes of the DEA, and if that doesn't tell you how corrupt this agency is, then nothing will.

WOMAN: Word.

[applause]

My name is Johnny O'Clonopan, and my comedy is every bit as addictive as my Big Pharma 2 3 namesake, baby. I'll be here until Friday, or until the DEA finally figures out that I hate their friggin' guts.

[applause]

[laughter]

EMCEE: Let's put some hands together, please, gang, for Johnny O'Clonopan.











Notes for essay entitled The DEA: Poisoning Americans since 1973:

1: The Dark Side of the Monticello Foundation DWP (up)
2: Seife, Charles. 2012. “Is Drug Research Trustworthy?” Scientific American 307 (6): 56–63. https://doi.org/10.1038/scientificamerican1212-56. (up)
3: LaMattina, John. n.d. “Why Is Biopharma Paying 75% of the FDA’s Drug Division Budget?” Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnlamattina/2022/09/22/why-is-biopharma-paying-75-of-the-fdas-drug-division-budget/. (up)




read more essays here





Ten Tweets

against the hateful war on US




In his treatise on laws, Cicero reported that the psychedelic-fueled Eleusinian Mysteries gave the participants "not only the art of living agreeably, but of dying with a better hope."

Billboards reading "Fentanyl kills" encourage the creation of racist legislation that outlaws all godsend uses of opiates. Kids in hospice in India go without morphine because of America's superstitious fear of opiates.

Drug prohibition fails even on its own terms. Instead of protecting white American young people, it has exiled them to the city streets where they are sacrificed on the altar of the American religion of substance demonization.

The Thomas Jefferson Foundation is a drug war collaborator. They helped the DEA confiscate Thomas Jefferson's poppy plants in 1987.

The "scheduling" system is completely anti-scientific and anti-patient. It tells us we can make a one-size-fits-all decision about psychoactive substances without regard for dosage, context of use, reason for use, etc. That's superstitious tyranny.

I knew all along that Measure 110 in Oregon was going to be blamed for the problems that the drug war causes. Drug warriors never take responsibility, despite all the blood that they have on their hands.

Question: Why do doctors judge cocaine by its worst possible use? Answer: Follow the money.

This is why it's wrong to dismiss drugs as "good" or "bad." There are endless potential positive uses to psychoactive drugs. That's all that we should ask of them.

The U.S. Congress considered the following to be a scientific fact back in 1924: "A person taking narcotics regularly impedes evolutionary progress and tends to degenerate backwards toward the brute." -- Richmond Hobson

In "How to Change Your Mind," Michael Pollan says psychedelic legalization would endanger young people. What? Prohibition forces users to decide for themselves which mushrooms are toxic, or to risk buying contaminated product. And that's safe, Michael?


Click here to see All Tweets against the hateful War on Us






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